emmaelisabeth

You try not thinking of the silence

The deafening silence echoing in your head

Wicked thoughts trying to take form

The boundaries of language saving your sanity

Cause if you could think it, then it would be said

And what has been said, is out there, it's true

You're worthless, you're useless, you're barely you

Your existence imposes on their lives, their space

They ignore your words and forget your face

No one cares, whatever they say

A fire burning in your mind, in your heart all the same

Loneliness and his soaking speech then came

Now, the intensity is gone, there's something you lack

Are you the same, will the fires come back?

With distinguished fires, will you fade away?

Crazy, just foolish? Lonely or lost?

Beggar or pleaser, what is your cause?

Sore and fragile, or strong and complete?

Without the freezing, where is the heat?

Ugliness, imperfection, hollows and shame

Not enough words to give me a name

I cried out "please help me

I'm going to perish, I am not the same"

Scared of tomorrow

"Need help" my lips slipped through once again

They promised they would, but they never came

Screaming, shrieking, to howl and to cry

Don't want to be here, yet don't want to die

Just want you to hold me, to calm and console

Breathing you in, then I feel whole

The smell of you is part of my soul

Placing my hand where I know it belongs

My place on your chest there, it for it longs

Holding on, meaning never to let go

Pushing up against you, I do miss you so

Love not to know where I end and you begin

You taste so good you must be a sin

Don't need you, but want you, want you so near

Be able to call you my darling, my dear

Trying to breathe, though my chest is too small

Or my heart too big, I can't tell at all

Throat thickening, tears everywhere

 I cannot blame you, I do not I swear

It is my own fault, for making you leave

I thought I was enough, I am so naïve

To kiss you, one last time, even on your cheek

To hold you, one last time, that's all I seek

I know I'm not strong, and not fair to you

These are my secrets, they are slipping through

I cannot contain the emotions I feel

To write, to tell you, that is what makes me heal

I've done us both, oh so wrong

By not listening, by not being strong

I beg you forgive, and please don't disappear

I expect nothing - I just want you near

Please stay my friend, though only if you want

I understand if you don't, if you can't

I need now to forget it,

Forgive,

And move on.

But please don't leave me.

I'm still holding on.